TK // Someday

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Woke up feeling tired all over my body and went NLB with Rhonda to borrow books,for once I maxed out my loao quota by borrowing 6 books at one go:4 GG series and 2 VB series(last 2)and there goes my life of freedom due to some personal reasons of my family and me.Guess it is going to be another problem once again.Sometimes I cannot help but wonder when will my problems ceased?When is that day?The feeling is devouring me slowly and painfully.Part of me wants to let go but the other do not.How?R is feeling the same way but hers may be not that bad beause her parents' issue is settled.What about me?It is just the start of an avalanche,rolling and rolling...St Andrew's JC by 2011,cut off point-8.How?!No more poly life,NOTHING!Do you understand my pain,dearest?Sadly to say,you don't.I love you but I cannot show it becaue it is going to be hard for me to let go once more.Changing love to hatred?That is total crap,total nonsensical bullshit.Hate you,blame you?Your fault?No,my fault.My life is ruined,much ruined...It will be long before I can smile once again,healing process may be a really slow one.I will forget one day but when is that day?I dreaded for that day to come.But,if I do not make the first move,that day will never come and it is that far.Every step you make brings you a step nearer to your destination.I should start walking already,it will be long and tedious but that is the only way out for me.Is there any more choices?No,sadly.To have a steady future with a steady income is more important and once I had told myself that between studies/career and relationship matters,I will still choose my studies/career over relationship matters.I will never regret my decision,up till today.If this the right way,then I should do it because it is right.The right decisions may not be happy decisions but at least,they will benefit in the long run.My life will never ever be that cheerful already,it will probably take some time to truely find another 'You' that can make me feel the same way as 'You' did before.Difficult because in this world,there will not be any clones of 'You',only yourself in this vast world.One and only,out of so many billions people.Lethargic of everything,why can't you just understand?

We chose this route ourselves,let's not look back and move on.